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Thursday, September 20, 2012

The Feeling of Emptiness

I was making some activities in hope to bring me joy even just for a little while. As I mentioned in my previous posting, the beginning of the year was full of emotional baggage that I can't really cried hard enough and break the pattern, and alter everything I had experience. But I couldn't do anything about it but to accept the path that I am walking through. I was uploading and posting some photos in my Facebook wall and honestly I would like people to appreciate what I was doing by hitting the "like" button from what I did. I find it the Photoshop as something could kill my time the whole day I spend in my room. If I could not edit my photos in the Photoshop, recording some songs was my best alternative. Imagine that I was able to record more than 50 songs that I even posted the video both in my You Tube and Facebook account.

These are some of the things that I do while in the midst of my awakening and dark night of the soul. I keep on motivating myself in doing two of my passions as this could heal me and make me feel better. I know that I was not the only one experiencing this kind of realm as I was looking for a "support" to guide me in my spiritual path.

My business was down due to some reasons that I couldn't think of anything to solve the problem and find solutions as I had a hard time concentrating what to do. I was left with a great responsibility and do not even have the solution to solve this up as the people would never understand what I had gone through since the beginning of the year.

I was still hoping for that happiness to manifest in me, while I was loaded with burdens and the agony that I felt during this path of awakening.

A part of me was missing that I do not even look for that piece, the melody of the song that I sing one day can be heard.

I can be with my friends, go out, laugh a lot and enjoy with them, but the happiness is just temporary just like like the story of the Little Match Girl, to set fire from the matches to keep the flame burning and when it's gone she would light the match again to see all what she dreamed for. So it's similar, in spite of my experience during the dark night of my soul, I need to light the match so I could keep the flame. Going out with my friends may help me laugh but the feeling of emptiness is still there. I couldn't fake myself for that and could not maintain my momentum and that is why, when I was with them, I had to leave them early because it was really hard to feel the pleasure of being with my friends.

During my recent travel, most of the time I have been alone just like the case I was staying in room the whole day. I became dependent on the internet, on Facebook as surfing this site had become my outlet.

How I had really wish for the good ones this year as this can pave away my worries, my emptiness and bring back the smiles I had once, my life and my happiness.

Sameera Chathuranga

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