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Saturday, March 2, 2013

Experiencing The Dark Night Of The Soul (Second Part)


It's hard to put words into writings when there's so much flow of energy to vent that I could no longer express them one by one, the reason why it took me quite sometime to write the second part of this note. My heart beats faster, and my chest seems to burst like a balloon when it's too high in the sky due to pressure. This condition submerges with the occasional energy flushing over my body like I was being heated in microwave oven. These are the contributing factors adding to my confusion, and that pain is inevitable. (Click here for the first part)

I have come across that the notion of the dark night of the soul is the light that is beaming inside our heart. Our heart is the chamber of God where He dwells that is holy and pure and this is where He communicates in us but our mind is the one preventing us to listen to the sanctuary of the inner voice. The inner voice in our mind differs for it is the one stopping us to listen to our heart and that is why the ego conditions us not to listen. There is a goodness that the dark can bring, no matter how dark it is, for there is always light, and God is Light. We can't see the light because of the ego keeping us apart from our heart. The fear based situation that our mind can bring allows us to let the darkness rule over our soul therefore making it difficult to see everything that is beautiful in the experience of a seeker. Dark night of the soul is sacred and the more you embrace yourself in the dark you are learning and respecting the sacredness of this inevitable stage.

In my journey, there were times I've been pretty of much of my sentiments, hoping they can relate to me, hoping they can understand me that they won't keep their distance away from me, as far as to those people I look up to, believe in them but failed to reach out to someone like me and that was because of my orientation that they were more spiritual and perhaps achieved some degree of enlightenment. And that is because  I feel a deep connection to everyone who are on the same path as me. There was a blame-game I have thrown to some of them. This was because of my confusion, the emotional turmoil I had, and that I had no one to turn to.

I may be one of a few spiritual seeker to have experienced this stage and it feels like I was totally alone in my journey that no one can relate or understand what I was going through. Of all the pains I have felt I tried to surrender saying, "Lord, hindi ko na kaya, tama na.." and tried to blame Him for all the adversities I have gone through.

I feel also that I can no longer resonate with most of the people who surround me and that everything I see in them is the ego in its highest form. And it seems that I can see and feel every single heart of a person whether he or she is sincere or not, lack of conviction, hatred and bitterness and if someone who has a pure heart. It sounds weird that I can really feel their energy even in the chat room or in the Facebook wall. There's so much things that it is hard to explain and I myself is the recipient of this bizarre situation. There are times that I tried to rationalize that things happened to me was just a product of my imagination and that everything is alright, just to say that I am fine but ended in my corner of my room alone and weeping that I couldn't really cried hard enough. This is so because everything have collapsed in me, my hopes and dreams, mission-vision, aspirations in life and everything that I've planned for seemed not to be moving and have been stocked like a water in a stream.


I have mentioned in the first part that I haven't been in the light yet and still experiencing the dark night of the soul. But I just realized that I am already experiencing the light in the darkness partially and is not yet able to see the light fully. I just realized that, when you are doing a humanitarian work, when you inspire others and concentrate on your passion, somehow the light is already beaming there. Sometimes we just don't notice it. We don't see it much as we can because all we see is the pain and the sufferings and our ego keeps on ranting and pulling you off from moving forward. 

In order to bring light to the darkness, God wants me to concentrate on my passion. I write in my blog site more often now, , I sing at times when I want to and I loved my passion in photography even more as most of these photographs are about the beauty of nature. 

Photography helps me to communicate to God and through nature I became closer to Him, and that brings me to the wholeness before we return to the source. That is the light in the darkness, I started to concentrate more about my passion, instead of focusing my mind to the ego-based business. You feel lighter and become more in a balanced state and the creation of music and the arts is what make a person understand about his true self more. With your passion you feel more connected to the Source and become one with the Source.

To Be Continued...

Sameera Chathuranga

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